OK - its an easy target I know, and I am not the first one to rant in this way, but I can’t let it past without comment - wouldn’t be right.

Christmas gets more arse every year.
Of course, the anti-cynics amongst you will probably be thinking "nah, its you that gets worse as you get older", and thats fine, because, frankly, if you think that, you are the sort of numbnut optimist that I use a touchstone for my better ideas - if you ever agree with me, I know I have got something badly wrong.

Anyway, Christmas is arse because:

• It’s nothing to do with ‘the baby jesus’ and never was - just an old festival left over from when we used tree bark as bogroll and women had beards.
• It makes stupid people happy
• Spoilt children get even more spoilt.
• Noddy Holder and Roy Wood get another truckload of royalty payments.
• I have to spend money on other people (big one, that).
• People expect you to especially nice and friendly ‘because its Christmas’ - WTF is that all about?
• Americans keep wishing me a ‘happy holiday’. Its not my holiday - I went to Crete for my holiday way back in May - its bloody Christmas. If you can’t be bothered to wish me a ‘happy christmas’, (which I won’t have anyway), just keep yer mouths shut.
• Office parties (yeah, right, could do a few pages on that one).
• Television proves that no matter how bad something already is, if you REALLY try, you can make it worse.

There are more, but just typing those has got me depressed.

The Pubs are open and its time for some pre-festive anaesthetic.