Despised

Archive for February, 2006

… or to be specific the odious ‘creative’ advertising types who come up with subtle and deceitful ways to fool the average punter.

Lets qualify this a little shall we.

• Brand X Biscuits are NOT 95% fat free – they are 5% Fat.
• That new face cream containing ‘Fakenamellox’ does not contain some amazing new chemical compound discovered by highly paid scientists in their secret underground laboratory – they have just mixed together Deer Bollocks and Lard and renamed it so it sounds liek a scientific breakthrough.
• Using the word ‘free’ does not mean anything is actually ‘free’ – specifically  in the phrases such as "find out free whether you can borrow money from us’. I should fucking think I can find out ‘free’ – it’d be a rum fucking world if I had to pay for you to tell me whether I can hand you my nuts on a plate.
•  Stop using the word ‘upto’, as in ‘upto 50% off’. If you promise never to use it again, I promise to give you ‘upto’ 100% of my current bank balance, deal?

OK – you got the idea.  Advertising types are scumbags.

But wait, is it really their fault. I mean, they wouldn’t do this if it didn’t work, right.

So who is to blame?

I’ll tell you who’s to blame – its Joe Public (and that might include you, only you can say for sure)

Now some people can’t help it, they simply lack the intellectual ability to understand that ‘upto 50%’ can mean 0%, OK – we’ll let them off the hook.

But the rest of you, start using your fucking brains – if a companies Ads are deceitful shite, boycott the companies concerned.

Just because you have a tune in your head all day and can’t stop humming it, does NOT mean that the song is a good one.

Just because someone served in the army in Kosovo does NOT mean that he isn’t a squeaky voiced nancy boy.

Ladies and Gentleman, I present Mr James Blunt.

Just like ColdPlay, James blunt falls into the  ‘music for bedwetters’ category.  One can only assume that he has lied about being in the Guards, and was actually in the  Queens Own Floppy Haired Guitarists whose role in Kosovo was to repel any Serbian music lovers by continuous high pitch droning played at loud volume. He is the sort of guy who arrives at a party, and immediately looks round to see if there is a guitar anywhere that he can ‘casually’ sidle up to and start playing soulful songs on in an attempt to to snaffle up any spare totty that might be drunk enough to see him as a talented tortured soul in need of a cuddle and a blow job.

Give it up, Blunty – you are not soulful, you are not macho, you are not ‘tortured’ (although some would say you should be)

I’ll tell you what you are, mate.

You’re ‘Cockney Rhyming Slang’, that’s what you are.