Just because you have a tune in your head all day and can’t stop humming it, does NOT mean that the song is a good one.

Just because someone served in the army in Kosovo does NOT mean that he isn’t a squeaky voiced nancy boy.

Ladies and Gentleman, I present Mr James Blunt.

Just like ColdPlay, James blunt falls into the  ‘music for bedwetters’ category.  One can only assume that he has lied about being in the Guards, and was actually in the  Queens Own Floppy Haired Guitarists whose role in Kosovo was to repel any Serbian music lovers by continuous high pitch droning played at loud volume. He is the sort of guy who arrives at a party, and immediately looks round to see if there is a guitar anywhere that he can ‘casually’ sidle up to and start playing soulful songs on in an attempt to to snaffle up any spare totty that might be drunk enough to see him as a talented tortured soul in need of a cuddle and a blow job.

Give it up, Blunty - you are not soulful, you are not macho, you are not ‘tortured’ (although some would say you should be)

I’ll tell you what you are, mate.

You’re ‘Cockney Rhyming Slang’, that’s what you are.

Look, I’m ‘getting on a bit’ myself, Ok, but that doesn’t make me ‘old people’, in this sense.

"What sense?", I hear you say - read on…

How to spot "Old People" that need despising:

• they "fought in the war" for me

No you fucking didn’t. You fought in the war for YOU. I wasn’t born then. Fighting in the war was a totally self-motivated activity. Sure, it was brave and it was almost certainly the right thing to do - Hitler needed taking down, totally agree. Just don’t bring me into it, OK. I didn’t ‘create’ Hitler, or any of the other ‘threats’ that you fought to prevent. I wasn’t around and am not the slightest bit ‘grateful’. So fuck off. I am paying for your pension, alright, and if you don’t stop harping on about the War, I’ll vote for any party that offers to reduce pensions, OK?, so just leave it out.

• Walk slowly in super markets and get in my way.

Now, I don’t mean the ones that have some kind of walking difficulties. I mean the perfectly healthy ones that are ‘having a natter’ with others of their ilk. Just because they have nothing better to do than have lengthy discussions about ‘kids today’ and the price of tea, doesn’t mean they have a right to force the rest of us busy follk to move at their speed. Pull over to the side of the aisle and leave a gap for me, and you can talk all day without getting jabbed in the back by my shopping trolley. And another thing, when you get to the checkout, don’t have a chat with the girl about holidays and shit, she isn’t really interested and doesn’t remember that you come here every single day. See, she has a life - it might not be a great life, but it has more things in it than yours does, You see, unlike you, ‘being in the supermarket’ is not the highlight of her week. Nope, don’t hang around, just pay for your tin of cat food and bottle of camp coffee, and get out of my fucking way.

• Always vote for the same political party.

Yeah, plenty of people do that, right? Let me qualify it a little then. They always vote for the same party despite never understanding anything that any of the politicians say or do. They vote the same way because, either, their parents always did, and they don’t want to change a tradition, or they once met that nice Mr Gladstone and he had a lovely smile. Yeah, that was a vote worth fighting in the War for, right?

However, there are some who do change the way they vote and STILL need despising. These are the sort who vote for the last doorstepper who told them he would increase their pensions. Jeez, the worlds going to hell, there’s global warming knocking on the door, Wars and Famine everywhere you look - an extra 10p a week on your pension is NOT the most important reason to vote for SlickWilly Brownnose, OK?

• They smell of wee

Yes, its a cliche, but they do. You couldn’t expect me to leave this out just because its a stock in trade of every ‘alternative’ stand up comedian.

Gambling is so large a subject that one has to despise it in chunks. I’ll probably tackle poker and casinos later, but for now its ‘Gambling in General’.

What’s wrong with gambling? I’ll tell you what, the people who run ‘gambling’ are all morally bankrupt and the people who gamble are all cretins.

What’s that you say, you want me to be more specific? OK, I’ll do my best.

Lets deal with the ’stoopidity’ bit first.

Whether it is down to stupidity or just the result of a general lack of education, gambling is stupid.

Even if you have an excuse for ’starting’ (eg. I never went to school), it’s impossible to have an acceptable excuse for continued gambling.
Its just a matter of statistics.

Lets take the least biased of the casino ‘games’ as an example, ‘roulette’. Look at the roulette wheel - see those little holes that the ball can land in? see those numbers? They start at zero and go all the way up to 36. That is 37 numbers, one of which you cannot bet on and which causes all bets to go to the house. That means the wheel is biased in their favour. If you bet on ‘red’, for example, there are 18 ways you can win and 19 ways you can lose.

If you based your pension investment on these odds, everyone would think you were mad, right?

Obvious, then, gamblers are stupid.

Oh, I hear someone at the back saying ‘its an addiction’, its not their fault.  Yeah, yeah, it’s an addiction. One based on stupidity. I never met an gambling addict yet that didn’t also make a load of other bad life decisions. Stupid wig, ‘dick extension’ car he can’t afford, beta max video etc.

So, what about those nice people who run gambling?

Well, we will leave the Mormons for another rant - they are far too nice a target to waste with an aside. That leaves just the ‘normal’ morally bankrupt. In short, even the least offensive of them are using statistics to take money from idiots and fools. They have analysts and statisticians who specialise in making sure that they don’t miss an opportunity to separate the fool from his wealth. Whilst technically legal, its not much better morally than the heroin pushers who sell cheap or give free samples in order to start the addict on the path to addiction.

Scum of the earth.

Its easy to despise horse racing - I mean, where do you start? The only thing its got going for it is that it provides employment for midgets in pyjamas.

But lets look at the bad bits of Horse Racing.

1. It clogs up my TV sports channel.
2. The horses get injured and get shot (they never shoot the jockey’s when they get hurt, right?)
3. Rich people only, please.
4. Horse racing encourages betting (future rant coming on that one), which targets stoopid poor people and makes them poorer.
5. Its boring - really. If you don’t think so, you are a congenital idiot.
6. The horses don’t want to do it.

Now some horse racing fans have a problem with that last one. “Yes they do” they say. Ok, then Mr and Mrs HorseFace, if they really want to do it, why do they need a bloke with a whip on their backs? And when one of the horses manages to dump the jockey, it then goes round the fences if it can - not over them. Explain that them. Go on, I ‘m waiting. Thought not.

Now, if they really wanted to make it interesting to watch. make those little sods do it without the horses.

The sight of a 4ft 6 bloke in pyjamas trying to clamber over a 6 ft fence whilst trying to fend off similarly clad midgets with whips would be far more enternaining.

Golf - it’s a sport, right?

How does that work, then?

A Bunch of middle aged elitist fat blokes strolling round a field.

They call it a sport but lack the energy to carry their bloody golf bags round.

Lazy Fucks - in my opinion they should be forced to carry their own clubs and get strokes deducted for time taken - make the fuckers run round the course , then it would be a sport, until then its a bunch of fat blokes going for a stroll.

If golf is a sport, then so is ‘getting fat’.

And… why the fuck do they put it on TV - bizarre.

You see a bloke hit a small white speck, then the cameras show a picture of some clouds for a while followed by a white spec rolling on the grass. Whoopee, how do you follow that for excitement.

Debt Management and Loan Companies are the scum of the Earth. I am sure you know the sort I mean - Debt Free Direct, Ocean Finance, Picture Loans etc I Despise them. If these loan companies were honest, they would be saying something like: "Hey, are you in debt - no not just ‘in debt’, REALLY in debt. Yep? Excellent! Now, just for the record you understand, do you have an idea what an ‘interest rate’ is? Nope?, excellent - no its nothing to worry about. Now listen to me very carefully, it seems that you don’t really understand anything about money, you think borrowing money will solve all you problems DESPITE having a track record, of, shall we say, ‘not being very good at borrowing and then paying back’. No - don’t worry, you are exactly the sort of customer we want, just sign this form and we will own you, your house, your future (such as it is) and everything you are ever likely to earn for the rest of your life. Is it ethical? Yes of course it is, anyone who understands a little about how money ‘works’ can easily manage to keep up the payments and will be far better off than they were. Yes, we know that doesn’t really describe you - but that’s not really our problem now is it, do you want all your problems to go away or not? Thank you, just sign here - lovely"

Firstly, I couldn’t really care less who is reading this, or whether you think I am a ‘cool dude’ or not. I don’t ‘get’ blogs and bloggers - bunch of sad fucks IMO, so why am a joining their moronic legions?

• I get angry at stuff.
• I work from home (on this ‘Internet’ thingy), and get bored easily.
• I’d like to vent a little every now and then, and it ain’t fair to keep kicking the dogs.
• I want to know my enemy a little better (yes, ‘Mr and Ms Blogger’, that means you).

So, read on - or don’t, I don’t give a shit - but if you do, and you feel like adding your worthless thoughts via the comments field, you might want to actually ‘think’ about them first - that means ‘real thoughts’, OK? Not those ’stream of consiousness’ things that bloggers usually do. ‘Cos, if you post something that doesn’t stack up I will either delete the comment immediately, or post something back that makes you wish I HAD deleted the comment.

I won’t play fair, I might not even let you reply. Ya see, its my blog - if you post a comment you are just part of my entertainment - don’t like it? Well don’t use my blog to whine about it, go get your own blog and use it to call me a bastard. However, don’t let that though put you off - you have a chance to make a bitter and twisted man a little less bitter and twisted - a chance to make me laugh, either ‘at you’, or ‘with you’ - doesn’t matter to me - you can ‘despise’ with me or be ‘despised’ by me,